The real you is in there—in all its light and dark glory. But most of the time, that real you is hidden, repressed, or quietly embarrassed.

Why? Your upbringing, society, your false beliefs. They are scared of the real you. You are scared of the real you.

I am not talking about some leader, some star or some super athlete here. I am talking about the real you—both the light and dark sides of you. Let’s take the blindfolds/sleep shades off and look in our mirrors. Just between me and you, let’s give our real self a day out.

Just imagine how wonderful it might be to let go — let go of inhibitions, let go of fear, let go of meeting other people’s expectations, let go of your own limitations. Imagine if there were no consequences because the day could be erased, if you wanted it to be. Alternatively, if you liked the outcome you could keep the day and its consequences.

We grew up being told to behave, be good and help each other. Your dark (and some of your light) impulses, behaviour and actions were made to feel naughty, bad or evil. For example, it was considered naughty to be ‘showing off with such confidence’ (as it made others feel bad). It was bad to tell the truth that you heard or felt (as this was telling tales). It was evil to say ‘I wish I/you were dead!’ (as such remarks cut to the core of being loved, worthy and valued).

No one likes feeling those emotions, so you dutifully locked them away. Occasionally they escape the box in those rare moments: making you spontaneously say words which afterwards you wish you had never said; actions which you impulsively took yet later regret; and feelings translated into secret fantasies of destruction about which you later feel embarrassed.

Look in the mirror.

Can you admit that a tiny part of you felt good at the time?

That it felt right — that there was some undeniable truth behind it all?

I’m not talking about excuses or blaming another person. I am saying — can you accept it was you? Okay, your dark side perhaps, but nevertheless you in all your dark glory. When people say ‘own your dark side’ or ‘integrate it’, they do not mean to condone it, excuse it or act upon it.

Having a dark side does not make you broken.

It makes you human.

Just like when you see a child who lashes out, you understand they do so from fear, pain or misunderstanding. Adults still do this. I still do this. You still do this.

So back to our ‘real you’ day trip out…

It is healthy to choose a private time and place where you won’t be overheard or seen. Say to yourself, ‘Okay, real me, it’s time to come out. What have you got to say for yourself? You have an hour!’ This exercise is not to act out any dark thoughts or feelings that arise. It is simply to let the real, suppressed you speak up and be heard.

Enjoy the freedom.

Mandy Brown