Healing.

There has been a huge increase and demand for healing of late. Our own son was in hospital having severe adverse reactions to medications. A friend's teenage daughter was in a critical , life-threatening state in ICU due to sudden onset of sepsis. Another friend's husband has been told he only has six months to live due to aggressive cancer. Yet another friend's daughter was rushed to hospital with suspected meningitis. Another child smashed her elbow to pieces.

All in the same week.

Why?

Why me?

Why us?

Such hard questions to answer.

Everyone connected to theses events has had their emotions wrenched. Hearts have quickened, tears have fallen and stomachs churned. In some cases, parents and loved ones believed their heart would break. Their world stopped and overwhelming despair reigned.

It certainly puts things into perspective when the cry for healing is sent out.

Doctors and nurses move into action. Family and friends pray, light candles, and perform their individual healing rituals.

What more can we do?

Be there.

Support in practical, emotional and spiritual ways.

Steve and I know that sometimes doctors need a helping hand. They reach a point where they assess and feel they can do no more. No more treatment. No more intervention for cure. Palliative care and end-of-life care becomes the last resort.

When orthodox medicine draws a blank, calls a halt, says "There is nothing more we can do!" it is often then that people either accept the situation and die, or begin to look for alternatives–another way.

They look for something they have missed, something they have not tried, or something new.

For some, in desperation, they will try anything and everything as they are bombarded with products, plans and well meaning advice.

To those faced with the avalanche of helpfulness, I would love to say:

Stop.

Take a breath.

By all means look at what family and friends recommend. Even try some things. But at the end of the day, the person who is ill must take charge and decide.

Firstly, do what really makes you happy. Enjoy life even if you truly do only have a few months left.

Secondly, decide if you want to fight the disease raging in your body.

If the answer is yes, then will need to put on your boxing gloves and focus and fight it every day until you have won or decide to throw in the towel for a positive reason. This does not mean giving up because you think you can't beat it, you think it's impossible or too difficult.

A positive reason could be, for example, when someone decides to accept their approaching death because they feel that they have fulfilled their life's work, they have led a happy life and are ready to move on and/or they know their body will not serve them any longer and it is time.

I have occasionally seen a person make the decision to fight, but it seems it was too late in the sense that the body can only regenerate within the laws of nature. When it gets to a certain point, with some conditions or accidents, maybe the spirit realises that the body is too damaged to repair now, yet ....people said Steve had reached that point (too late) with his torso full of cancers. I have heard of many others who defied the 'too late' diagnosis including recently a terminally ill child with eleven secondary tumours. He has recovered to point that all eleven tumours have now gone and he and the doctors are now working on the primary, which is shrinking.

I would like to highlight an observation I have made through the years. I think shock can also lead to early death with cancer patients. I would like to see more research done in this area. Shock about diagnosis, about the prognosis, shock that their life is to be cut short and they have not achieved all they wanted when they thought they had all the time in the world, shock that they may die before their partner, mother, daughter, brother etc. Shock because they don't know what to do...the freeze, flight or flight response occurs and remains for a prolonged period.

This is why I encourage people to talk about cancer, death and dying as part of normal conversations, not wait until someone close receives that shock diagnosis. On many occasions, I have introduced Steve's story to a new friend or stranger (often wondering how on earth I got onto that topic!) only to discover weeks or months later that same person has been faced with a cancer diagnosis for themselves or a loved one. So many have said they were so pleased that we had that conversation as they recalled Steve's story and, as a result, they did not panic as much - it really helped them cope and respond. I hope it also reduced the paralyzing and more damaging effects of shock. Now that Steve's story has come out in the book 'Nipples to Kneecaps - to die or not to die with cancer' people can refer to it and, hopefully, inspire and help others more easily.

Mandy

www.mandybrown.co.uk